Buddhist professor THICH NU TINH QUANG : PRACTICING BUDDHISM TO PROBLEMS IN SOCIAL LIFE

Thich Nu Tinh Quang

The most fundamental social structure is marriage. Marriage is a social agreement or institution established by people for the sake of their personal well-being and happiness. This institution has function to maintain harmony and order in the process of procreation, and by that distinguishes human society from animals. Although nothing is said so much in the Buddhist texts on the subject of monogamy and polygamy, secular followers are advised to be limited to one spouse. The Buddha did not make any rules for a married life, but he gave some recommendations concerning how to make a married life happier. In his sermons, many things indicate that it is much wiser, better and easier to be faithful to one spouse, not to hurt someone's feelings and not to take an interest in other partners.[1]

The Buddha’s teaching says that one of the profound reasons for the downfall of man is loving relationships with other women. Here it is obviously implied that the woman if coming into love affairs with several men, she also has to suffer. One has to realize the difficulties, trials and tribulations which she has to go through just to maintain family life. It could be increased by several times if you encounter them on the background of the additional difficulties created by yourselves. Understanding the human weakness, the Buddha’s one of the rules taught followers to restrain from the sexual misconduct and debauchery. The third of the Five Precepts undertaken by lay Buddhists runs: Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami, "I undertake the course of training in refraining from wrong-doing in respect of sensuality."

View of Buddhism at marriage like the society under democracy is very liberal: marriage is a private matter - not a duty which imposed by religion. In Buddhism, there is no rule persuading a person to marry, remain single, or live in ultimate celibacy. There are no such rules which require Buddhists to have children or to refraing from having children, or to limit the number of children. Buddhism gives each human being a freedom to decide on their own issues all related to marriage.

Then a question arises: why Buddhist monks and nuns refrain from marriage if there are no direct instructions in a relation to marriage? The main reason is that the monks and nuns have chosen a lifestyle which purpose is liberation for themselves and serving people; celibacy is a part of this lifestyle. Those who renounced worldly life - voluntarily renounce family ties to have no worldly personal duties in order to maintain peace of mind. They want to completely dedicate their lives to the service to others and to achieve their spiritual liberation. In today's society, even though Buddhist monks do not conduct the marriage ceremonies for Buddhists, they may be invited to perform certain religious rituals in order to bless the betrothed couple. The same can be performed by Buddhist nuns.[2]

To sex without marriage is also a problem of today's society. Containment or the restriction of desires is the first principle of any civilization, including our today's society. But along with that, we have contaminated the sexual atmosphere around us and through the media over-exaggerated the need of the body and mind in a sexual satisfaction. As a result of exploitation of sexual desire by some hidden forces of society, today's young people have formed such an attitude to sex that they minds are totally eclipsed by the hindrances, and sexual desire is never satisfied; The Buddha said: "People have much desires and find the ways to satisfy their desires as same as the ones who get leprosy just like scratching your itch." And the result is more suffering.

In a human life, sexual relationships should take their particular place, and here, from the Buddhist point of view, any unnatural limitations or unhealthy inflations should not be allowed. Sex must also be controlled by a will, and it is possible, if you treat it wisely and give it a proper place in life. In contrast to what a modern society is trying to impress upon us, sex should not be considered to be the most important part of a happy married life. Those who abuse their own pleasures can become slaves of sexual tension, and in the end that will destroy the love and respect in marriage. As in every other sphere, Buddhists recommend to stick to moderation and rationality in sexual needs.[3]

Marriage is a bond of a commonwealth in which a man and woman vow to enter together for a whole life. The three main principles on which a married couple should be built and grown are patience, tolerance and understanding while love should be the node that connects partners to each other to maintain a happy family-the material conditions are needed as well. A sign of a good marriage is the word 'ours' rather than 'yours' or 'mine'. The partners in a good couple should open their hearts to each other and have no secrets. When there are secrets, it creates a suspicion, and the suspicion is an element that can destroy love in any marriage union before. The Suspicion also breeds jealousy, the jealousy generates anger, the anger creates hatred, the hatred turns into hostility, and the hostility may result in a greater suffering like bloodshed, suicide or even murder.[4]

A happy marriage is built on the foundation of love, loyalty, and responsibility. The Buddha taught a husband must love and respect his wife, not commit adultery, telling his wife where he go outside, providing clothings, jewelry for his wife, and he indoor assets were entrusted to his wife. And a wife was owed her husband's respect, courtesy and faithfulness. Further, a wife was to be given authority in the home and provided with adornments. A wife is obligated to perform her duties well, discharging them skillfully and industriously. She is to be faithful to her husband and to be hospitable to friends and relations. And she should "protect what he brings," which suggests taking care of whatever her husband provides her.[5]

Separation or divorce is also not prohibited in Buddhism although the need for it would be extremely rare if the spouses strictly followed the instructions of the Buddha. Men and women are absolutely free to leave if they cannot reach a mutual agreement. It is better to separate than for a long time to lead a family life suffered by yourself, your wife and your children (Dhammananda). Also, the Buddha advises older men to not marry young women because an old man and a young wife are highly unlikely to be compatible, and that can trigger unnecessary difficulties, disharmony and downfall.[6]

Society is growing due to the web of relationships that are intertwined and interdependent. Each connection between people is a sincere dedication to the promotion and protection of other members of community or group. Marriage plays an essential role on this complicated web of relations which provided such support and protection. From a Buddhist point of view, a good marriage should grow and develop consistently by understanding, but not by impulse, from true devotion, but not from mere indulgence. The institution of marriage provides a strong fundament for a development of culture with a beautiful community of two people supporting each other and avoiding loneliness, fear and deprivation together. In marriage, each spouse is trying to complement the other; it aims at giving courage and strength to show support, recognize, as well as appreciate the ability of the other partner. In couple life, there does not appear thinking about who is more important. The other complement is in equal partnership, radiating gentleness, self-control, mutual respect, generosity, equanimity and devotion.

Other importance in marriage to Buddhists is to have no reason to object to the measures for the prevention of pregnancy. They are free to use both old and modern contraceptives. Those who oppose contraception and argue that the use of this prevent way is contrary to God's law that must understand that this view is in no way justified. Measures to prevent pregnancy are intended to prevent the emergence of a new living being. In this care, the killing does not occur and unskillful action (akusala kamma) is not performed. However, if people commit any act aimed at the commission of an abortion, this act is considered to be bad kamma because abortion is a deprivation of life of visible or invisible creatures. For that reason, Buddhists are in compliance with the first of five precepts, so there is no excuse for abortion.

The Buddha's teaching states that the act of deliberate murder is committed in compliance with the five conditions. These conditions are following: the presence of a living being, the knowledge or awareness of (the killer) that this creature is a living, the intention to commit murder, making an effort to kill, and death of a living being in the result of this effort.[7]

At the moment of conception, the living entity is emerged, and thus it satisfies the first condition in the womb. A few months later, the mother realizes that within her there is a new life, and thus it satisfies the second condition. Then, for one reason or another she wishes to get rid of this living being located in her womb. So she starts searching for a doctor to have an abortion, and it satisfies the third condition. When a doctor makes the operation, the fourth condition is satisfied, and in which a living being dies; thus, all the five conditions are satisfied. The result has been a violation of the first rule, which teaches to refrain from taking life, so this action of abortion is equivalent to killing a person. With regard to measures for the prevention of pregnancy, there is the opposite situation: a living entity in this case does not appear, so that all five conditions are not satisfied (Dhammananda). According to the Buddhist doctrine, we have no reason to say that we have the right only to take the life of a creature when it has already emerged.

In some situations, people assume that they are forced to make this for the sake of their own convenience. But we should not justify an abortion because one way or another they will have to face bad consequences. In some countries, abortion is legal, but it is done simply in order to overcome social problems. Buddhism teaches not to neglect the moral principles for the sake of convenience of the people. These principles serve as a good of all mankind.

Another acute social problem is suicide. Deprivation of life of oneself in all circumstances is erroneous act from both ethical and spiritual point of view. Depriving oneself of life because of the failures and frustration only increases the suffering. Suicide is a cowardly way to deal with the life problems. In any bad circumstance, person cannot commit a method of suicide if his mind is calm and pure. If someone leaves this world in a state of confusion and frustration, it is very unlikely that he will be reborn in the better conditions. Such an exit from life is a bad or unskillful act since it is provoked by the mind filled with selfishness, greed, hatred, and most importantly defilement. Those people who commit suicide presumably have not learned to perceive their problems, and understand the truth of life and use the ability to think properly. Such people are unable “to understand the essence of the life and the conditions of the world in which they live.”[8]

Some sacrifice their lives for a reason, which they consider as good and noble. They deprive themselves of life by committing self-immolation, using firearms or fasting. Such actions someone can call bold and brave; but from the Buddhist point of view, it cannot be approved. The Buddha clearly explained that the state of consciousness that lead to suicide, only lead to more suffering. Such a holistic position again proves how positive and life-affirming worldview is Buddhism.[9]

To affirm optimistically life, we need to face the negative issues, aware of their roots, and to find the ways to overcome. According to Buddhism, we were born as a human living is a precious opportunity, so should appreciate to ourselves; in addition, we also have to know how to create good karma for the present and future. Identifying the negative causes making suffering comes from our desires, we would have proper awareness to our body and mind, and the external situation in a more positive direction.

“The cause of all suffering

Is rooted in desire

If desire be extinguished,

Suffering has no foothold.”[10]

Therefore, the pain is not outside but inside us. The problems of human and society will be resolved when every person reduces his or her desires by realizing the suffering and its causes, and knowing how to transform all of life's problems in a truly peaceful state of mind.

Live in Joy, in love,

Even among those who hate.

Live in joy, in health,

Even among the afflicted.

Live in joy, in peace,

Even among the troubled.

Look within. Be still.

Free from fear and attachment,

Know the sweet joy of living in the way (Dhammapada).

[1] Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda, “A Happy Married Life”

[2] Ibid…

[3] Ibid…